“There is a time in a boy’s life when the sweetness is pounded out of him; and tenderness, and the ability to show what he feels, is gone.” - Norah Vincent, the author of the book, Self Made Man.

In American society we hold many stereotypes, biases, and expectations for men. There are guidelines of masculinity that have been set for men that are used to shape and break them. Men are expected to be physically strong and emotionally simple. They are forcibly made to adhere to the expectations and roles created for them. These expectations for men limit their abilities to express themselves, which hinders their psychological health and causes long lasting effects on them.

To most men and people masculinity is defined by certain expectations. Those expectations include being the main provider in one’s relationship, being successful, objectifying sex, being physically strong, being self-reliant, being aggressive, and being emotionally discrete. Throughout the lives of men, it becomes a struggle to adhere to the standards that have been set in place. Men are socially required to meet the expectations that have been imposed upon them, or they would receive ridicule from other men, even women, and other people. A man's masculinity comes to define them. Any deviation from this expectation of masculinity is met by discouragement. This reaction to non-masculine traits causes men to devalue and suppress the things that make up those traits. Men mainly attempt to suppress emotions and refrain from emotional expression, which allows them to distance themselves from traditional femininity. Suppressing one's emotions greatly affects their psychological health. Those men who avoid this emotional expression, especially the expression of negative emotions, are more likely to experience depression and high anxiety throughout their lifetimes. Expressing emotions is seen as a sign of weakness and of femininity in one’s character. It displays a lack of control over one’s self and does not align with the typical male role of dominance and control in society. According to physiological research collected by the Movember Foundation, find that the adherence to traditional masculine ideals becomes an important factor and predictor of suicide in men. Suicide becomes a very valid, and even rational option to men, as it is seen as the ultimate way of displaying control of the situation and of themselves, which demonstrates to others and themselves, a “male self”. In Movember funded research conducted in Australia, researchers found that there were four elements common among suicidal men, and those elements are: stoic beliefs, depressed or disrupted mood, the presence of things that are stressful, and a tendency to isolate themselves socially and use ways of coping with that avoid the relevant issues and prolong or worsen them.

Despite the many negative impacts it has on men, many argue that these gender standards for men are ultimately a good thing. They see it as virtuous and find the effects of it negligible in the true name of dominance and control over one's self. To them being a man signifies having control over the things that go against nature. But to question this, is it worth sacrificing and denying one’s self in order to only obey and adhere to standards you can not control? If being a man is about having control over the things he cannot control, why not control the standards that limit them? In adhering to the male expectations thrust upon men, you are relinquishing the right over yourself, and sacrificing mental health. Ignoring one’s emotion can lead to them not appropriately getting treatment for mental illness, psychosomatic symptoms, and other serious issues. Also emotional suppression causes and results in the declining of communication skills, which leads to unhealthy relationship patterns. These effects only continue the worsening issue of masculinity and mental health.

As a male, I have been able to see that, within my own life, I have experienced the effects of gender expectations on both my relationships and emotions. I have experienced these effects first hand throughout my life, especially during my youth. When I was younger, the men around me, my father, brother and my older nephew, all gave me definitions of what it meant to be a man. They each aligned with the stereotypical view men are given: they play sports, go out with girls, and don’t crying. They expected the same of me, and, for most of my childhood, I attempted to fit into the mold that I was assumed to fit into. I’ve spent a lot of time pretending to be cold and unemotional so that I could look cool and masculine. I suppressed the feelings of unhappiness and dissatisfaction with the standards I were uphold myself to be validated by the men around me, to feel as though I was a “man”. These expectations still affect me now.

This is not a unique narrative. Men are taught the rigid and narrow avenues we have for expression. We are taught how to behave and how to feel. Taught how to treat other males. Men are guided throughout their lives by gender roles and standards. We as men are told to be homophobic, non relational, successful, strong, tough, unemotional, aggressive, and highly sexual. You can see these standards at play in media such as television, movies, books, music, and videos, providing caricatures of what male masculinity should look like. It gives male children hollow and stereotypical personifications of what it means to be a man. With all of the standards present within our society, it creates an unfair precedent for how males are supposed to be. Men are restricted by societal standards, not allowing them to express themselves and their emotions. This is very harmful to men in the ways that they interact with others, view themselves, and handle their emotions. Research conducted by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, show reports that men are 3.5 times more likely to commit suicide. This can be attributed to the way our societal standards force men to restrict and suppress their emotions and to avoid expressing them. Even within my own life I have experienced the effects of gender expectations on my life, my relationships, and my emotions. I have experienced these effects first hand and throughout my life and especially my youth. When I was younger, the men around me, my father, my brother, my older nephew, all gave me definitions of what it meant to be a man. They each aligned with the stereotypical view men are given. That involves playing sports, going out with girls, being homophobic, being tough, not crying, showing no emotions, being successful, being independent, and objectify sex. And for most of my childhood, I was attempting to fit into this mold that was created for me without me choosing it. I’ve spent a lot of time pretending to be cold and unemotional so that I could look cool and masculine. But in my attempts to be a “man”, I never felt fulfilled nor happy with the image I tried to create for myself. It never felt like it truly was me. It just never felt right. But to show I was manly I would hide and suppress those feelings. Through doing so, it hindered my ability to make meaningful connections, to express myself, and to be creative. I am still affected, by the expectations I was given, in those ways now.

The male gender standards that we have present in our society negatively affect the mental and emotional health of the men functioning within it. So due to all the harmful effects of male gender standards has on the mental health of men we should make changes in how we view these standards and strive to change the impact it has on men. We should have more discussion about how gender roles impact and have impacted men. We should destigmatize traditionally feminine traits in men and take more strides in motivating men to take up more creative and expressive outlets. We should also create programs that can better identify emotional issues and depression in males. Making these changes would be great steps towards gender equality within our country.

Sincerely,

Epifanio Rios

Sources:

1. ("Male Gender Role | Psychology Of Men")

 2. ("Emotion Suppression: Effects On Mental And Physical Health | Mysahana")
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3. ("What A Piece Of Work Is A Man")
"What A Piece Of Work Is A Man". Huffington Post Australia. N.p., 2016. Web. 12 Oct. 2016.

4. ("What A Piece Of Work Is A Man")
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5. ("Mo News: Movember Funded Research Helps Identify Men Who May Be At-Risk Of Suicide")
"Mo News: Movember Funded Research Helps Identify Men Who May Be At-Risk Of Suicide". Movember Australia. N.p., 2016. Web. 12 Oct. 2016.

6. (Fields and Fields)
Fields, George and George Fields. "Masculinity Is About Dominance, And That’S A Good Thing". The Federalist. N.p., 2014. Web. 12 Oct. 2016.

7.  Brand, Noah. "Get Over It. Men And The Cost Of Emotional Repression -". The Good Men Project. N.p., 2013. Web. 12 Oct. 2016.

8. ("Emotion Suppression: Effects On Mental And Physical Health | Mysahana")
"Emotion Suppression: Effects On Mental And Physical Health | Mysahana". Mysahana.org. N.p., 2011. Web. 12 Oct. 2016.

9. ("Suicide Statistics — AFSP")
"Suicide Statistics — AFSP". AFSP. N.p., 2016. Web. 12 Oct. 2016.